News flash; Deadly attack at the Ontario legaslature

This morning at the Ontario Provincial legislature an incident occurred which may have led to the deaths of thousands luckily vigilant security forces took swift action and minimized the damages although it may be some time before the full extent of this tragedy will be fully understood. A group of tourists who had done a walk through tour are the apparent suspects. The use of police horses to keep anti government protesters in line may have led to the exasperation of the already deadly situation originating on the lawn in front of the building.

130 suspects were immediately rounded up for questioning. Police sources revealed; the investigators are seeking possibly more than one suspect in the distribution of the deadly substance leading to the near disaster. Tourists engrossed in capturing that perfect shot may have [although a deliberate act has not been ruled out completely] unwittingly distributed the deadly substance all through the halls and right into the legislative chambers which at the time were not in use in service of the public as is normally the case. Luckily the familiar pungent odor was noticed quickly which set security forces to action. A sample was found almost immediately and rushed to the forensics lab for analysis. The report was decisive the 7200 chemicals revealed by mass spectrometer testing included 44 known carcinogens and 27 deadly and possibly contagious viruses. Results set the extraction team to commence an immediate process driven action; donning respirators and rubber gloves they went to work attempting to remove the dangerous solid matter substance. Pine sol antiseptic cleaner was used extensively to eliminate some of the virulent aspects of the off gasses.

According to overwhelming scientific proof as illustrated by Heath care authorities in the past 5 years of investigating second hand smoke. It would take gale force winds exceeding 300 miles per hour to excavate gasses from a room even then only a 95% success rate can be achieved. The much deadlier off gasses seen in this incident could prove to be much more difficult, it would take perhaps a full 4 year legislative term to rid the public spaces of Liberal doses of horseshit off gasses. The solid material aspect would remain even in the existence of gale force winds. Testing revealed the inclusion of scores of deadly viruses equating the potential deadly effects of a dirty bomb wherever this substance is distributed. This would substantiate the fact no safe level can be permitted ventilation can never be effective in warding off such a deadly toxin.

Epidemiological testing reveals more than 95% of total population mortality occurs in every disease category within 3 days of being exposed to some form of Liberal doses of Horseshit. This makes Liberal doses of Horseshit the most deadly workplace hazard ever known to man far exceeding even those results found in tobacco smoke. Hospitality venues have known the risks for decades and banned the substance in all eating areas. Movie theatres Bingo halls and most places large crowds would be normally expected to go, all have similar although inconsistent rules. The Royal winter fair has no such health protections exposing hundreds of thousands of defenseless children every year to Liberal doses of Horseshit. Every housewife in the country has self imposed bans, as her mother did going back generations in protecting their families from this deadly hazard.

We need to awaken the public to this deadly hazard it could be proposed a re-use of existing advertising promo materials. Everywhere the words second hand smoke or ETS was formerly displayed the replacement of the term Liberal doses of Horseshit could be installed. Waste not, want not, in the spirit of recycling in government sector expenditures. Ad agency spin could be replicated in social engineering strategies saving billions in expenditures this time around. The sitting government is toying with a perfume ban while a much more offensive odor is invading the sinus cavities of millions every day. The smoking ban was implemented with only 44 statistical Ontarians dying daily due to smoking related diseases yet we ignore a hazard easily 4 times as deadly in real numbers responsible for almost 200,000 mortalities annually and 176 deaths in Ontario every day from Liberal Horseshit related diseases. The message is clear the public demands action, we need a bill to level the playing field affording protection to all workers in the province who would be forced to endure deadly long term exposure through the term of a full shift while an inconsiderate co worker sits oblivious to the hazard he inflicts on everyone else in the room. Simply cleaning his shoes could make life safer for those around him yet many would sit in denial refusing to alleviate the situation because shame or ego would not allow them to just look. Parents who expose their kids to Liberal Horseshit should be labeled as abusers and be relieved of parental rights. No one should be allowed employment who would callously expose defenseless co-workers to Liberal Horseshit related diseases. I call on legislators everywhere to ban Liberal Horseshit from all public spaces as well as outdoor patios and within 50 feet of the entrances of Hospitals and hospitality venues.

Healthcare advocates need to get active in enacting the public protections required immediately. We need to create a symbolic graphic to be distributed and displayed in all public spaces. Perhaps a graphic depicting Dalton falling out of the business end of a horse, donning his traditional black suit with red Liberal armband with a couple of strategic council poll reports tied to his feet as parachutes slowing his inevitable decline. If we all work together we can rid our planet of the suspicious smell of Liberal Horseshit and all of it's deadly consequences.